Another Open Letter

 Have you ever felt like telling your lost love how you feel without him/her? And then you simply dump the idea or write a long message and delete it? We feel like going back to the times we spent with our Ex, we miss every little thing we did together. Here's a heartfelt letter from a girl to her lover.

Dear Muffin,

Remember me? Of course you do. Now stop pretending like I'm just another name in your long list of ex-lovers. I know that I'm still the only girl you ever took home to dine with your parents. It has been a while now since we last talked. I am writing this letter to tell you that I miss you (yes, you heard that right, now don't give that victorious grin). Even though we're not together anymore, the experiences we gave each other were irreplaceable and unforgettable. They are memories I will cherish for the rest of my life. I sometimes looked back and got sad over losing you. But prolonged solitary confinement and contemplation as well as a bit of maturity over time taught me perhaps I don't really miss YOU but the time I spent with you, our experiences together and probably the feeling of being in love.

 But no matter what, you continue to shape the person I am and will be. Although we are no longer in each others lives, I believe that there was a reason for us for coming together and losing ourselves into, as Donne would say, "the world of love" . It wasn’t because we went to the same school, or because we enjoyed the same things, or 'cause you gave your shoulder to cry on when I lost the dearest person on earth, but because you taught me things no other person could. You taught me what it's like to have someone be your entire universe, what it’s like to be the most envied girl in school or outside, what it's like to be so angry at someone but still bear with him or forgive and forget everything seeing that one smiling face; we taught each other love, the true meaning of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. And even though we won’t get to be together forever like we dreamed in our initial days, a part of my heart will always be with you, not because I am still in love with you, but because I still love you.

We no longer get to talk everyday and ask how each others day went, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wonder how you are doing. How things are going at work, how life is treating you, if you are doing the things that you love- playing guitar, blogging, singing (serenading girls I mean); how college is treating you, and most importantly- if you are still happy.

Very often your pictures pop up on Instagram and I see how happy you look, more handsome than always, and that makes me happy. It makes me happy to see that someone who played such a big role in my life, someone who taught me so many things, someone who would still be there for me if I needed him, is the same old person I used to know. Even though we grew apart eventually, my heart still loves you.

I still secretly look forward to an occasional text from you to catch up, still look forward to the days we might go get coffee together and talk about our lives, our dreams, our aspirations, and our new relationships. I really wish to see that you have found another girl that makes you happy, a girl that challenges you to be a better person, a girl that enjoys the same things you do, a girl that brings a smile on your face, and a girl that loves you as much as I do (which although I don't believe is much plausible); a girl that brings the best out of you, and inspires you to do what you love to do. Because I know that a person like you deserves the very best. In ten or twenty years from now, I still want to run into you someday, to see that you have acquired everything you had ever hoped for. Because even though we were lovers at one point, we were also best friends, remember?

You must be wondering why I wrote such a long letter to you suddenly. For two reasons, firstly someone told me penning down all my feelings for you will lessen the pain I feel at times. Secondly I want you to have a memory of mine. If at anytime you miss me, if any day you forget who I was or who we used to be I want you to read this.

So here's to all the heartfelt text messages we sent, the long phone calls till three in the morning, the crazy impulsive outings we took together, the bungee jumps (what I saw in your eyes that moment when we jumped off together is priceless till date); here is to lying on the back seat of your car holding each other tight and telling "we would never let go", to the innumerable kisses and holding hands. Here is to the endless laughs and smiles we shared, and the tears we shed for each other, the fights we got into over the silliest things, and most importantly here is to breaking each others hearts. Not because we hate each other or don’t love each other anymore, but because we knew that our time together was over. I have ACCEPTED that. But remember I'll always love you as my muffin, no matter you love me hate me or don't even care.

Love,

"Your Only Love"

P.S. Writing this letter doesn't convey my intention or desire of getting back with you again. We're not meant to be together.

 ABOUT THE AUTHOR

A bibliophile, writer and a passionate music lover, Utsa Ghosh, is seeking her majors in English from St. Xavier's College. At the same time she takes a keen interest in politics  and is a vehement supporter of social and political reformism in India.